I wanted to share some thoughts from my good friend Martine Moorby who wrote this blog piece as a guest author this month. Enjoy and please let me know your thoughts....
With only a few of days into 2016, are you just waiting to see what happens?
“I’m waiting to see what happens” or “I’m going with the flow” are comments I often hear people make when faced with having to make a decision. This can be a simple as being invited to choose what film to go and see, as habitual as New Year resolutions, or as potentially complex as a major turning point in life. And even though we are told by various sources that “going with the flow” is good, natural and, dare I say it, “spiritual”, I have also observed that this is mostly a disempowering way of moving forward.
Life and “things” will always happen and rivers flow downstream for sure. I also believe that more often than not we misunderstand or misapply this philosophy in our lives, leaving us at the mercy of “events”. We project the happenings, the circumstances and other people’s decision as being “out there”, the implication being that we have no power to influence them.
The truth is that not making a decision is also a decision and going with the flow is a choice. It is a choice that allows others and life as we know it to decide for us. And this may all be well and good if we truly then accept, mind, heart and soul, to live out in a happy and a congruent way what has been decided on our behalf, accepting the twists and turns and the ups and the downs that follow with unbounded gratitude. Then we are indeed in the flow. But for how many of us is this genuinely what we live?
I am suggesting that to truly be in the flow, we first need to have an honest look at how we make decisions, how we make our choices and how we choose by not choosing. We need to accept that life is not necessarily something that happens to us, but that we are an active or passive participant, as surely as we breathe in and out.
A better question might be: what is the quality of flow in your life? What would it take for you to improve it? It might mean asking yourself what you want to change and what decision you could make, however small to begin to make that happen.
There is no doubt that if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got – and you may have called that your lot!
I am not for a moment denying that we are facing challenges and sometimes heart-breaking dilemmas. Rather, I am suggesting that we have often forgotten that our power is in our response, and this starts as an internal feeling, a gut feeling, a sensation. Taking your power back means taking responsibility – and that is response-ability. It may mean, for instance, that you have to learn to say no where you always said yes (but meant no internally), to examine your motives for agreeing when you don’t want to do something and your beliefs about who you are and what is possible for you.
So don’t make a long list of New Year’s resolution that deep down you know are only fights of fancy. This does nothing to reinforce your sense of inner clarity and confidence in your ability to know what is right for you.
Instead, pause. Ask yourself what really matters to you, what brings a smile to your face and makes your heart sing. And begin to contemplate what it would be like to feel like this more often, and begin to take action.
We cannot not influence; deciding that we cannot influence is an influence in itself, and I am inviting all of us to consider how we want to influence how our lives unfold in 2016.
By all means, go with the flow, but as you climb into the 2016 canoe, take a paddle with you, so when you see some rocks on your personal river you can steer clear, and you may even want to come ashore and rest a while.
If you find you need to explore your landscape, inner or outer, and how to return to a healthier flow, don’t “wait and see” – get in touch with me!
And in the meantime, I wish you the best in Love, Health and Happiness.
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